


I'm Not Your Boyfriend, Baby

by Insidiae



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Double Penetration, Light BDSM, M/M, Misuse of Spell Slots, Resolved Sexual Tension, Tentacles, Threesome - M/M/M, oh yikes okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 12:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insidiae/pseuds/Insidiae
Summary: I'm not your boyfriend, baby,I can't grant your every wish,I'm not your knight in shining armor,So, I just leave you with this kiss~Magnus has some issues with Kravitz, until Taako intervenes, and then he very much doesn't have any issues with anything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> its the year of the lord 2k17 and im writing dp smut for the first time in my life about a dead guy a gay wizard and a literal alien from a dnd podcast based entirely around 3oh!3 lyrics. death cannot take me soon enough.
> 
> follow me on tumbler @jewishleviackerman

_T-tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef_

_That I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him_

_-_ Don’t Trust Me, 3Oh!3

 

*

 

Magnus has a few issues with Kravitz.

 

He knows he shouldn’t.  Kravitz makes Taako happy, and Magnus should be happy that Taako is happy and leave it at that, but he just can’t.

 

He doesn’t like Kravitz’s fakey fake accent; if you’re going to put yourself out there in the world, shouldn’t you do so genuinely?  He doesn’t like the way he disregards the rules of mortals, like he’s some kind of god--Magnus has met gods, thank you very much, and at best Kravitz is a glorified civil servant for the Raven Queen.  Just because he’s a literally a figure of legend (ooh look at me, I’m the grim reaper, _big whoop_ ) doesn’t mean he should just be able to sneak onto the moonbase using interplanar portals for midnight romps.  He doesn’t like that Kravitz tried to kill Merle, stole his arm, and made him doubt in his god.

 

And the big one, the one Magnus doesn’t ever consciously acknowledge: he doesn’t like that Taako’s in love with Kravitz instead of him.

 

*

 

“You know he has a huge crush on you, right?”

 

“No way! That one’s straight as an arrow, my man, trust me.  I tried to tap that _so_ many times.  No dice.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

*

 

The rest of the Bureau of Balance adjusts to the ever-increasing presence of Kravitz in their midst annoyingly well.  Lucretia tries to confront him all of once, but drops it when he turns to reaper-mode.  It’s not as hot a look to other people as it is to Taako, and even if she hadn’t seen her life flash before her eyes while looking upon death, she feels disinclined to try to force Kravitz to leave when he has her most successful elf reclaimer hanging off his arm like a leech.

 

Carey and Killian love him.  They’ve never had another couple at the Bureau to go on double-dates with, which apparently is a cool new adventure for Team Sweet Flips.  They drag Taako and Kravitz to every single wild location on the moon they can think of that they wouldn’t go to alone.  They do trapeze at the carnival during the summer festival; they rappel down into a crater on the uninhabited side of the rock (“Wait, this isn’t even a real moon, why are there craters?”  “For the aesthetic, babe; you gotta admire the Director’s commitment to her vision”); they party it up at the rager concerts Johann sometimes summons up the energy to throw (he has to feed everything he writes to the voidfish at the end of it, but at least anyone who hears it had been inoculated and actually remembers). On one occasion, Carey and Killian attempted to get Kravitz and Taako to scuba dive in the voidfish’s tank, only to be caught by Johann, who “wasn’t mad, just disappointed.”

 

And, speaking of the bard-in-residence, he has as much affection towards Kravitz as Magnus has seen him show most people.  Kravitz enjoys his more somber pieces--or at least pretends convincingly enough that he does--and Magnus thinks a small part of Johann gets off on being able to make death cry.

 

Kravitz watches while Angus practices magic with Taako, usually acting a backrest for the wizard to laze against as he offers vague words of inspiration to Angus, who is out there doing his very best.  As Taako sees Angus improve with a proud and wary eye, Kravitz offers to teach him how to cast Crimson Enhancement one day, and not even Taako’s loud rejection of that plan can curb Angus’ enthusiasm and gratitude to the grim reaper.

 

Avi was easy.  Kravitz just brought him some killer (haha) astral plane booze, and he was sold.

 

Even Merle has come around to him, to an extent.  The Bureau hosts weekly poker nights, and when Kravitz joins, he loses spectacularly.  This is mostly because Kravitz has the worst poker face Magnus has ever seen, but also because that soulwood arm of Merle’s is surprisingly dexterous, and the dwarf uses it to its full effect to squirrel extra cards up his sleeves.  One time on their way back to their quarters, after wiping the floor with Kravitz, his arms overburdened with gold pieces, Merle had turned to Magnus and said, “Guess who just cheated death!”

 

So yeah.  Magnus is, apparently, the only one who can’t accept Kravitz.

 

It doesn’t feel great.

 

*

 

“Taako, he was staring at your ass _all night_.”

 

“Okay, have you seen my ass?”

 

“Fortunately, yes, frequently, but--”

 

“Then you know it’s nothing.”

 

“Are you sure?  Are you sure it’s nothing to him?”

“I…. yes.  I think.  Shit.  Shit.”

 

*

 

Time passes slowly on the moon.  The Director sends Tres Horny Boys out for missions that really should fall to the regulators, just to keep them from wrecking the place.  Taako and Merle complain to her unaffected gaze until their voices go hoarse, but Magnus is thankful for the relief from the monotony.  He has a lot of frustration to work out, and does it a lot better by cleaving bad things in two with Railsplitter than by punching dummies with Killian and pickpocketing animated dummies with Carey.

 

Sometimes, not always, but often enough, they encounter Kravitz in their work.  He actually seems put out by this, and horrified by the way death seems to follow them.  Something about how the natural order of the universe shouldn’t allow them to get so close to so much astral energy, no matter how many times they, themselves, have actually died.  Or some such.  Whatever.  Magnus never pays attention.

 

On time, the Director sends them off after an item called only “Armageddon,” only for them to find, when they arrive and exit the sphere, that Kravitz has already beaten them to the punch.  (Turns out Armageddon is perhaps a somewhat presumptuous name for a dark, gnarled staff that comes pre-loaded with a few necromancy spells, but still, better safe than sorry.)

 

Kravitz, having disposed of the necromancer using the spell, as well as his zombie army, hands the staff over to the others with little fuss.  Magnus accepts it with a grunt.  Merle shrugs and suggests they all go out for drinks.  Taako drifts over to Kravitz and immediately starts flirting.

 

Magnus feels ill.

 

*

 

“Okay, you’re right, this is getting ridiculous.  We have to do something about him.”

 

*

 

After a few months, Kravitz starts actually staying over in Taako’s room.  He’s at their apartment again, drinking wine at the kitchen island while he catches Merle up with his dead ancestors and Taako cooks behind him.  Taako’s been cooking more again, that’s definitely a thing, too; nothing too fancy, nothing with too much risk of getting messed up, but it’s a start, even if he does still need to use the Low Sodium Salt Shaker to reassure himself that it’s all okay.

 

Magnus… doesn’t want to be there.  It’s all very domestic (thank the gods Angus is at least elsewhere, that would have been Too Much), and it’s quaint, and Magnus wants to pull out his remaining hair watching it all happen.  But another part of him refuses to go, refuses to leave Taako and Kravitz with each other where he can’t see what’s going on, can’t know what they’re doing.  Even more than that, he knows avoiding other people just isn’t in his nature, and that Taako would be sharp enough to notice if he’s acting off.  He doesn’t want to answer any unfortunate questions.

 

So instead he sits in a stool in the corner and wittles ducks.

 

Magnus is starting on his third duck of the night when a curtain of hair falls in front of his eyes.  Taako leans on him from behind the stool, his arms coming around Magnus’ torso to wrap around his neck.  The line of Taako’s body pressing against his back sends a shiver down Magnus’ spine.  Taako grabs the knife Magnus is holding by its hilt and then flings it away, carelessly, to the other side of the room, replacing it with a glass of wine.

 

Magnus frowns, even as his fingers close around the glass.  “I needed that.”

 

“Don’t be a baby, I know you have more of those in that pocket workshop,” Taako says.  He unwraps himself from Magnus, who immediately misses his warmth.  The wizard walks in front of him, arms akimbo, blowing hair out of his face with pouted lips.  “Have a drink.”  Another glass appears in Taako’s hands, and he takes a deep gulp of it.

 

Magnus contemplates the glass in his grasp.  After a moment, he sets the duck in his other hand on the floor, and upends the wine into his mouth.  Bottom’s up.

 

“Atta boy.”  Taako smiles beatifically at him.  “You’ve been such a sour puss lately, I thought maybe you’d actually forgotten what fun was.”

 

“I’m fun!”

 

Taako hums and raises an eyebrow.  He takes another sip.  A wave of his hand refills the glass Magnus holds as well.

 

Magnus looks around.  While he’s been working on his wood (god, what a terrible thought to have while Taako is just standing there, radiant, looking at him), the apartment has emptied of a body.  “Where’d Merle go?”

 

“Spa night,” Kravitz answers from the stove, where he’s taken over stirring a sauce for Taako.  “He’s out with Lucretia.  Their monthly thing.  You know.”

 

He does, he does know.  Of course Magnus knows.  Magnus actually belongs here, in his apartment with Taako and Merle, his traveling companions, on the secret moon that serves as the base for his employer.  Of course he knows.  But why does Kravitz know?  Why does he care?  When did he become a part of his life in this way?  Magnus wants answers.  Magnus wants an outlet for his frustration.

 

“Oh,” is what Magnus ends up saying.

 

Taako heads back towards the stove, arm bumping up against Kravitz’.  Taako has a tendency to invade everyone else’s personal space with little regard for their feelings on the matter, but there’s a natural comfort to the way he touches Kravitz that feels different from anyone else.  Not more intimate, necessarily, but more… loving.

 

Magnus sits on the stool and drinks his wine and watches his roommate cook with his undead boyfriend.  Kravitz and Taako speak in low voices to one another; Kravitz whispers something into an elven ear, and Taako giggles in reply, before throwing a look Magnus’ way over his shoulder.

 

There’s a heat in his gaze that makes Magnus sit up straighter.

 

“Mango, would you be a dear and set the table?”  That heated glance disappears.

 

Magnus is already standing up before he can think about it.  It’s an automatic reaction; he just wants to please people.  “Sure.”

 

He grabs the plates and the cutlery and he sets to work.  This is good, this is better; Magnus enjoys the busywork, the simple pleasure of doing something methodical.  It keeps Magnus just focused enough on his task that he doesn’t have to acknowledge what’s going on in the background.

 

When he finishes placing the last spoon, he looks up to see Kravitz straining noodles in a colander and Taako using Mage Hand to lazily pour sauce onto chicken.  He takes a seat at the table and waits for them to finish, quite literally twiddling his thumbs.

 

What a fool he is, he thinks as he watches the two of them, smiling at each other.  What a fool he is to sit here and play house and pretend he has any place intruding on what should obviously be an intimate night for them.

 

Kravitz places the food on the table and Taako spoons it out onto their plates.  At the end of the minute, Magnus sits with a plate of fantasy chicken alfredo piled high in front of him, and his crush and his crush’s lover sitting on the other side of the table.

 

“Well,” Taako says.  “Dig in.”

 

Kravitz starts eating immediately, and the noises he makes show his appreciation well enough.  For a generally civilized guy, Kravitz is a bit of a hedonist, and the sounds he makes when he enjoys good food and drink tend toward the pornographic.  And the thing is, it’s not like Magnus is blind; Kravitz is an _incredibly_ good-looking dude when he bothers to put his flesh on.  Even if he doesn’t like Kravitz _like that_ , Magnus can feel himself flush as he watches and listens to Kravitz eat.

 

Taako hesitates longer, waiting for Magnus to take his first bite.  There will always be a hint of his old paranoia, and maybe that’s just another way in which Kravitz is a perfect match for Taako; no need to worry about poisoning what’s already dead.

 

Magnus sends a smile his way and spoons food into his mouth.  It’s delicious, unsurprisingly, and he wants to savor every bite, but it’s better to get the first one out of the way.  He swallows, barely having chewed.  Nothing happens.

 

Taako breathes an audible sigh of relief.

 

They lapse into a silence after that, with the exception of Kravitz’s loud eating.  Magnus tunes out his . . . moans . . .  as well as he can manage, but every so often, he can’t help himself from glancing over at the reaper man.  Kravitz catches his eye once, and Magnus flushes redder; the grin Kravitz sends him is feral, full of too many teeth, and, to Magnus’ shock, tinted with a hint of seduction.  He’s seen the expression on Kravitz’s face before, but only ever directed towards Taako, and even then, only when Magnus is pretty sure Kravitz thought no one else was looking.  It’s a private look.  It’s an intimate look.  Magnus doesn’t know what to do, being on the receiving end of it, but a sweat breaks out on the back of his neck.

 

“What’s better than this,” Taako says, breaking through the quiet by pulling his fork out his mouth with a pop, “guys being dudes.”  He licks the fork on the way out to get the last of the cream sauce on it, and Magnus watches his tongue move, enraptured.

 

Magnus grunts.  Kravitz laughs, his voice low and smooth.  Magnus finds his mouth suddenly dry and he reaches for the wine, gulping down his second glass.  Taako makes sure it’s full again before it hits the table.  Kravitz reaches over to Taako to tuck a long, stray hair behind a pointed ear, and Taako leans into his hand.  Magnus concentrates on eating and not on the burn at the back of his throat.

 

He eats with his eyes cast down on the table as Taako and Kravitz get increasingly public with their displays of affection.  It’s enough already.  Magnus doesn’t want to be rude, but he can’t--he can’t just stay here while they’re aggressively cuddling with each other on the other side of the table.  It’s not too rude to leave once he’s done eating, right?  By that logic, Magnus starts shoving dinner into his mouth as fast as his arms can carry it there.

 

He chokes on pasta when he feels a foot slide with purpose against his calf.

 

“Are you quite alright?” Kravitz asks.

 

“I . . . ”  The foot against his leg spreads its toes and continues it slide up and down.  Magnus throws a desperate glance across the table to Taako, and while the wizard doesn’t turn away from Kravitz, he glances at Magnus from the corners of his eyes.  They hold a glint that makes Magnus gulp.  “ . . . Fine.”

 

“Are you sure?  ‘I fine,’ isn’t really a sentence, bubbulah.”  Taako grins.

 

“You look red.  Are you sick?” Kravitz grins too.

 

Oh god.  Ohhhhh god. They’re both grinning at him.  They’re sitting there, wrapped around each other, Taako’s foot sliding up his leg, and they’re both so hot, and they’re both grinning at him.

 

Magnus stands up.

 

Or, well, he tries to.  Before he can blink, he finds himself wrapped up in dark tendrils that keep him locked down to the chair.

 

Kravitz snorts.  “Really?  Evard’s again?”

 

“Listen!  It worked on you, didn’t it?”  Taako runs a hand through his hair.  “If there was ever a _get me a man_ spell . . . ”  He looks at Magnus.  Magnus narrows his eyes back, confusion quickly fading to annoyance.  “Um.”

 

The tentacles coil around Magnus’ body.  Because it’s an off day, he’s just dressed in his civvies, so a couple manage to get under the loose fabric of his tunic. They feel strange: cold, and not quite wet, but damp, and not totally real; they’re certainly strong enough to hold him in place, but there’s something very ephemeral to their weight against his skin.  He groans.  “Taako, l-let me go.”

 

Taako makes an answering whine of his own, blushing bright red.  He brings a hand to his mouth to muffle the noise.  His pupils are blown wide, turning his eyes almost black.  Next to him, Kravitz looks less affected; he watches the scene with a contented smile, but even he has strands of curly hair starting to plaster to his temples with sweat. (Who knew dead guys could even do that in the first place?)

 

“Okay,” Taako says as he stands.  “Okay.”  He walks around the table.  When he stops, he looms over Magnus.  “Hoo boy.  Wow.  Boy howdy.”

 

It’s weird to look up at Taako.  He’s such a small thing.  Magnus has grown so used to carrying him, throwing him over his shoulder, shielding him with his body.  To be below him, to be unable to protect him, feels fundamentally wrong.  “Taako . . . “

 

“I’m, okay, I’m sorry, I panicked?”  Taako reaches out a hand to stroke a tentacle.  Magnus follows the path of his painted fingernails.  “It’s just, we’ve been planning this for a really long time, and I knew you’d probably freak out, but I didn’t expect you to just, just, leave, and that would’ve ruined everything, and . . . ”  He places a hand on Magnus’ cheek.  “God, you’re so . . . Can I . . . ”

 

Magnus really wishes Taako would finish a sentence already so he could have some idea of what’s going on.  There’s a demand on the tip of his tongue when another set of lips seals over his own.

 

Taako is kissing him.

 

Magnus doesn’t hesitate; he kisses back with everything he has.  He doesn’t know what this is--some game for Taako?  A vivid fever dream?  Even if he ends up regretting it later, he doesn’t care at the moment.  Magnus has been presented an opportunity; he rushes in.

 

He starts to struggle against Black Tentacles in earnest.  He wants to touch Taako _so badly._  Taako, who is leaning over him, straddling his hips and dropping into his lap.  Taako, who is combing his long, magical fingers through Magnus’ hair, pressing his mouth deeper and harder against him.

 

Taako must notice how Magnus is shifting, because, although he never breaks the kiss, the tentacles begin to peel away, although they don’t disappear.  As soon as his hands are free, Magnus grabs Taako by the waist and pulls him down against him, hard, and god, that is so, so good.  Taako makes a high keen in the back of his throat and that’s almost better.

 

Taako breaks away, panting hard.  “Oh, holy shit.”

 

Magnus growls.  His fingertips edge underneath Taako’s skirt.  Taako bites his lip and fists both hands in the fabric of Magnus’ tunic.

 

“Having fun, boys?”

 

Oh fuck.  Oh god.  Kravitz, how did Magnus forget about Kravitz.  Kravitz is going to kill him, literally, for real, he’s going to reopen his contract on Magnus and drag him to the Astral Plane.

 

Taako turns glassy eyes back to his undead lover and whimpers.  Kravitz sighs and rises from his seat.  His movements are methodical, calculated.  He adjusts his tie and dusts off his tailor jacket.  He puts his hair back into place.  But when he turns the corner of the table, Magnus can see he’s sporting an erection that could probably cut steel, pressed into the fine fabric of his perfectly tailored pants.  


“Krav, you cannot _believe_ what he’s been holding back on us,” Taako says. He tries to move against the hand on his thigh, but he’s too weak and Magnus is too steady.  “It’s going to be so good, but you need to come here too, please--”

 

“Hush, darling.”  Kravitz wipes a spot of saliva from Taako’s shiny lips.  Magnus swallows at the contrast between Taako’s tawny skin and Kravitz’s darker shade.  “You’re lovely as always, but you’re making a mess.”

 

Taako purses his lips together tightly.

 

The response strikes Magnus.  It’s immediate.  It’s automatic.  It’s . . . _obedient_.  

 

He narrows his eyes and tightens his arms around Taako’s waist.

 

Kravitz whistles.  “That’s quite a glare, Burnsides.”  He stares down at Taako and Magnus, watching Taako twitch in Magnus’ grip, trying to ground down on his thighs.  “Taako, dear, can you keep yourself entertained while Magnus and I talk?”

 

“I . . . ”  Taako’s gaze sharpens for a moment.  Magnus knows that look well, has been on the receiving end of it more times than he can count.  It’s Taako’s baser Elven nature showing through, the instinct to refuse to follow anyone else’s rules, and for a brief second Magnus really thinks he’s going to argue.  Taako absolutely would start a fight while trying to rub one off.  But Kravitz raises an eyebrow as his eyes glow a brighter red, and Taako glances back at Magnus.  The argument dies on his lips.  Instead, Taako looks at Magnus with intense consideration as he says, “Yeah, okay.”

 

Taako reaches a hand out towards Magnus, but it detours to the tip of one of the tentacles.  The wizard coos as he brings it away from where it writhes around the chair Magnus sits in and towards himself.

 

Magnus feels his jaw drop when Taako guides the tentacle into his mouth.

 

“What--”  Well, Taako renders Magnus speechless on a fairly consistent basis, but this is a whole new level of flabbergasted.  He tries again, but Taako is sitting in his lap and staring him right in the eyes and _there’s a tentacle in his mouth_.  “Why--”

 

Kravitz smirks and tangles his fingers into Taako’s hair--none too gently, it looks.  Taako groans around his shifting gag.  “So,” Kravitz says.

 

Magnus stares at him.  The tentacle wriggles further into Taako’s mouth, far enough that Magnus can actually see it pushing down his throat.  Kravitz stares back, placid, expectant.

 

What the fuck.

 

_What the fuck._

 

“What the fuck,” Magnus says.

 

Kravitz at least has the decency to look sheepish at that.  “So here is the thing,” he begins. “Taako would like to . . . _be_ . . . with you.”

 

Taako grunts and nods his head in what Magnus assumes is affirmation.  The tentacle slides halfway out of his mouth, slick with his spit.  Sweet Istus.

 

“And?” Magnus asks.  The repeated _what the fuck_ , he hopes, is implied.  His voice only wavers a little bit, too, which is impressive given that, again, his crush is sitting on his lap, trying to rut against his thigh while _blowing a tendril of arcane magic_ as his boyfriend, death, looks on.

 

Kravitz blinks at him.  “Well, I should think that would be obvious.  As the last piece of the puzzle, we’re just trying to convince you to go along with it.”  He nods at the puddle of Taako in Magnus’ lap.  “Is it working?”

 

“I don’t understand.”  Magnus leans down, resting his forehead against Taako’s, who curls into the touch.  Evard’s Tentacle squirms in the narrow space between them.  “Aren’t you with him?”  Even as he speaks, though, his thumbs circle Taako’s hips.

 

“It’s not really an either-or thing.”

 

“And you’re . . . you’d be okay with that?”

 

Kravitz shrugs.  “Like I said.  If Taako wants you, that doesn’t change anything about how much he wants me.”  His hold on Taako’s scalp loosens and gentles into something soft.  “I’m too old to get caught up on the small things.  If it will make him happy--and it will--then I have no problem indulging him.”  Kravitz grins, the same feral, too-toothy smile.  “Besides, you’re not exactly a hardship to look at, yourself.”

 

Magnus scans Kravitz up and down and begrudgingly admits, not for the first time, that the feeling is mutual.

 

In that moment, just as suddenly as they were summoned, Evard’s Black Tentacles disappear.  Taako takes a huge, gasping breath and ends up choking on air.  His fingers twist into Magnus’ tunic as he tries to calm his breathing, panting into Magnus’ mouth; a slew of curses follows.  “One minute summoning time is bullshit!” he wheezes.  “Fucking magic performance anxiety, who needs it.”  He looks down at Magnus, and seems at a loss now that his speaking ability has been restored to him.  “Um.  Hi.”

 

“Hi.”  Magnus smiles.

 

Taako tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.  He places his hands behind him, on Magnus’ knees, and leans backwards, opening up some space between them.  “Listen,” he says.

 

After a beat of silence, Magnus says, “I’m listening.”

 

Taako purses his lips and sends a look to Kravitz.  Wordlessly, Kravitz offers him a hand, helping him off Magnus’ lap.  He folds Taako into his arms and they both stare at Magnus as one united unit.

 

“No one is going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Taako says.

 

“But the offer is there,” says Kravitz. “If you’re interested.”

 

“It’s your choice.”

 

Magnus clenches his fists.  He remains silent.

 

“Well!” says Kravitz, “I’m about ready to retire.  Taako?”  He holds an outstretched palm. Magnus bites his lip as Taako takes it.  The two of them walk hand-in-hand to Taako’s bedroom, the elf sending one more longing glance his way as they round the corner.

 

Magnus stands up.

 

He rushes in.

 

***

 

Somehow, he doesn’t rush in quite quick enough, because by the time he enters the bedroom, Taako is already naked.  Magnus is treated to sight of Taako’s bare ass in the air as the wizard straddles and hovers above Kravitz’s lap.  A Bigby’s Hand stretches his cheeks apart, and Taako lets out a groan as a translucent finger breaches him.  Magnus marvels at his ability to concentrate on maintaining the spell that’s finger-fucking him.  


Kravitz is fully reclined on Taako’s bed.  His suit jacket hangs over a post, his vest is unbuttoned, and his shirtsleeves are rolled up to his elbows, but his general state of beclothed-ness contrasts strongly with Taako’s stark nudity.  He guides Taako’s head to his lap, and the elf needs no further prompting; he undoes the fly and pulls Kravitz’s cock from his neatly pressed trousers, stroking at a pace that seems maddeningly slow to Magnus.  Kravitz doesn’t seem to mind, though; he releases a content sigh, and if Magnus thought the sounds the reaper man made while he was eating were pornagraphic, they hold nothing on what he’s currently hearing.  Kravitz tightens his fingers into Taako’s hair, pulling him down, and Taako drops his jaw open to take him in.  

 

Magnus’ jaw drops as well.

 

Kravitz gains enough composure to raise an eyebrow at Magnus.  It is a welcome and a challenge all in one.  Magnus feels his hackles rise; before he even realizes what he’s doing, he’s behind Taako, palming one of the globes of his ass.  Taako hums, pushing back into his hand and sinking his throat lower on Kravitz, who brings a hand to his mouth.  For a half second, as his concentration fails him, his skin flickers, and Magnus gets a glimpse of sinew and bone which should be horrifying--and probably would be, if it lasted more than but a moment--but is instead oddly fascinating.

 

Magnus pushes the Bigby’s Hand away from Taako, fighting his discomfort around directly touching magic.  The skin around Taako’s hole is glistening slick already, and Magnus realizes--it’s a Grease spell.  He hasn’t seen Taako use such a low level spell since--god, who knows how long?  Taako moans at the loss of his spell’s touch, and Magnus does the first thing he can think of: he replaces those arcane fingers with his own.  Two fingers slide in easy, and Taako yelps and chokes around Kravitz’s dick.

 

He pulls off, panting.  “Do it,” he says.

 

Magnus hesitates. It’d only been two fingers, and barely that . . . “I’m not-”

 

“Magnus,” Taako says, “I’m a really sloppy beggar, ok, it’s not a cute look, but I will do what I have to, so: before we get to that regrettable point, I am asking you nicely.   _Please_ fuck me.”

 

Well.  It’s a compelling argument.

 

All ten of Magnus’ fingers shake as he undoes the drawstring on his pants.  His cock is barely out in the air, pants shimmied just enough down his hips, before he’s thrusting into Taako.

 

“ _Oh my gyaaaaaaaaaaad_ ,” Taako screeches into the mattress.

 

A series of harsh pants and grunts follows, cut off when Kravitz guides Taako by the scruff of the neck back to his cock.  The pace Kravitz sets then seems brutal; Magnus can hear the wet noises Taako makes as he gags around it, can see it pressing against his Adam’s apple as it slides down his throat.  He wants to take it slow, take his time, _take care of Taako_ , but Kravitz sends a self-satisfied smirk his way and Magnus feels his fighting spirit rise up again.  It’s so stupid, and a part of Magnus is fully and consciously aware of it, to be fighting over who can fuck Taako better; he’ll regret the impulse later, but for the moment, he picks up his own pace, thrusting into Taako with a strength that will leave bruises on his bronze skin.

 

There’s not a ton of noise Taako can make with his mouth otherwise, but the whines escaping him all sound enthusiastic.  In another moment of impulse, Magnus reaches out to grab both of Taako’s wrists and hold them, in one of his much larger palms, at the base of Taako’s spine, and uses that to thrust even deeper.  Taako actually bucks at that move, his wrists flexing against Magnus’ palm, and Magnus raises his head to smirk at Kravitz.  

 

Kravitz smirks back, his eyes bright red and flaming.  Magnus doesn’t even register him reaching upward until the collar of his shirt is in Kravitz’s hand.  Kravitz gives him a brief look of contemplation, and then he brings their mouth together.

 

Magnus stills.

 

This was supposed to be about Taako.  This--him and Kravitz . . . _interacting_ \--wasn’t part of the agreement.  Or at least, Magnus doesn’t think it was.  To be fair, there wasn’t really a formal agreement, and that’s maybe on him.  Maybe he should have known better than to just take the implications of an agent of death at what he thought was face value.

 

Kravitz presses more insistently against him and Magnus falters.  Damn, but Kravitz is good at that for a dead man.  Despite his better instincts, Magnus feels himself start to respond.  It’s almost scientific at first; kissing Kravitz actually answers a lot of questions Magnus had about the man: whether his skin was real when it was on, or just an illusion (a resounding _real_ ), if the undead can still cry and sweat and spit and bleed (yes and yes and _yes and yes_ ), what folks get up to in the Astral Plane (apparently, macking on people a lot).

 

A needy noise from Taako turns his scientific curiosity into a stronger desire.  Magnus pulls his gaze down to see Taako watching the two of them, eyes as big as dinner plates, back arched at what looks like an impossible angle, folded as he is between Magnus’s cock in his ass and Kravitz’s in his mouth.  Kravitz winks at him and licks at the seam of Magnus’ lips; under Taako’s watchful eye, Magnus allows the kiss to deepen.

 

When Kravitz pulls away, Magnus can hear soft panting, and it’s coming from Taako, who’s staring at the two of them wide-eyed, pupils so blown that they’ve swallowed his irises.  Kravitz has a hand tangled in Taako’s hair and is using it to pull him off his dick;  Taako pants loud enough that Magnus is starting to get worried about him, but Kravitz has his eyes on Magnus.  “What do you think, Magnus?”

 

 _What do I think about what_? Magnus has been trying not to think, at all, to be honest.

 

Kravitz hums at his silence, wiping a trail of spit from Taako’s mouth.  Taako whines and deflates a bit, his head growing heavy in Kravitz’s hand.

 

“I’ve been good,” he says, his first coherent words in a while.

 

Kravitz sighs a wistful note.  “Come here,” he says, and he raises an eyebrow at Magnus, who gets the hint and eases himself out of Taako in a slow drag.  Taako moans the whole way, and when he’s finally out, Taako collapses face first into Kravitz’s lap.  Magnus looks at the puddle he’s turned into with a mix of concern and aroused fascination.

 

He--regrettably--doesn’t even think before he opens his mouth to speak.  “Have I seriously already fucked you so well you can’t move?”

 

 _Gods above, Burnsides_ , he thinks the moment the words have left his lips, but while they make a bright red appear on Taako’s cheeks, he doesn’t look all that upset by them, and Magnus feels something tighten in his gut.

 

Kravitz grabs Taako around his chest and rolls the two of them over and then off the bed.  Kravitz holds Taako up on shaky legs, manhandling him over to lean against one of the bed posts.  Taako stays loose in his arms, like putty. Once he has Taako propped mostly upright he asks, “Can you stay like this?”  Taako trembles, but nods, and Kravitz smiles at Magnus.  Taako turns his head and smiles too, and with three large steps Magnus is at his side and kissing him again, and that’s good, that’s very good.  Kravitz circles around behind Taako, taking Magnus’ former place, and says, “You know, he’s been thinking about this for weeks,” as he pushes in.

 

Magnus bites at Taako’s lips.  He feels so hungry, in a way he never thought he would hunger again.  He wants to _devour_ Taako, and that strikes him with sudden inspiration.

 

Falling to his knees for Taako is one of the easiest things he’s ever done--especially when Taako looks at him like he hung the moon.

 

Magnus has barely grazed Taako’s cock with his fingers when the elf starts to squirm.  Kravitz acts fast, his arm coming around Taako’s waist so he can circle his thumb and forefinger around the base of Taako’s cock.  “Come now,” he croons, “we both know you can do better than that.”  Taako yelps and shakes but he doesn’t fight Kravitz or his hold.

 

The first touch of Magnus’ tongue to Taako’s tip makes both of them shudder.  Magnus, as he takes Taako’s head into his mouth, realizes that Kravitz has considerably slowed his own ministrations to watch the two of them, and that’s, well, that’s something for sure, but it’s not something bad.

 

“You look good,” is Kravitz’s simple observation before he starts moving again.

 

Magnus isn’t sure if Kravitz was talking to him or Taako or the two of them together, but he can feel heat rising to his cheeks from the basic praise regardless.  He hides his pleased embarrassment by concentrating on his target.  Taako may be the attention seeker amongst the Tres Horny Boys, but Magnus knows how to put on show when push comes to shove.  He takes as much of Taako as he can in his mouth, and uses his hands on the rest.  Taako gasps like he’s winded, like he’s had the air just punched out of him, and jerks into Magnus’ hold.

 

Kravitz leans down to whisper in Taako’s ear.  “Easy, now.  You can do it.”

 

Taako winces.  Kravitz frowns and pulls out, and after a glance from him, Magnus pauses his own work on Taako to give him a chance to catch his breath.

 

Magnus strokes a palm against the smooth skin of Taako’s thigh, soothing.  After a moment, he edges himself back onto the bed, lying down flat.  He reaches a hand out.  “Taako,” he says.

 

Taako tucks his sweaty hair behind his head.  “Yeah,” he says, small smile ticking his upper lip up.  Without words, Kravitz helps him onto the bed as well, where he straddles Magnus’ thighs.  His legs shake as he reaches behind him to take a hold of Magnus and guide him back inside.

 

Magnus wheezes; he may be looser than before, but Taako is still warm and wet enough around him to knock the wind out of him.

 

Taako begins to rock back and forth.  His exhaustion is evident in every line of his body, but his erection still stands strong, and with it, his obvious desire to come.  Magnus grips his hips to support him and keep him upright, eyes wide with wonder.  “You . . . you really want this, huh?”

 

Taako pants and nods.  Magnus takes pity and grabs his dick, and Taako keens.  Dark hands circle around Taako’s waist to help as Kravitz comes closer, and then Magnus stops when he feels something press up against him at Taako’s rim.

 

Taako doesn’t hesitate.  He whimpers and falls backwards into Kravitz’ hold, looping an arm around Kravitz’s neck.

 

Kravitz slides in alongside Magnus with minimal resistance.  The drag of their cocks against each other makes Magnus’ mouth go dry.  Taako’s mouth is wide open in a silent scream, his fingers twitching against the skin of Magnus’ chest.  Magnus galvanizes himself enough to go back to stroking Taako but it doesn’t matter much because Taako comes the instant Magnus’ knuckles graze him.

 

The wet feeling of come on his chest isshocking, even after everything else Magnus has done tonight.

 

Magnus lets go of Taako to give him chance to gain his breath, but Kravitz offers no such reprieve.  His rhythm never falters, even as Taako peaks, and while Magnus steps back, Kravitz ups his ante, stroking Taako through orgasm and beyond.  Tears spring to Taako’s eyes and Magnus almost wants to tell Kravitz to stop, to leave him alone, when Kravitz leans down to whisper into Taako’s ear, just loud enough for Magnus to hear as well:

 

“You can go again, can’t you, love?”

 

Taako hiccups and nods and he’s so beautiful and Magnus comes.  Kravitz follows a moment later.

 

When they pull out, Taako is literally dripping with their cum.  Magnus swallows, his dick twitching with interest despite its recent release.

 

Taako, though, he’s fully hard again.  Kravitz wraps a hand around his throat and Taako squeals, the sound reedy coming out against the firm grip.  Taako comes again, hard enough this time that he blacks out and goes slack in Kravitz’ arms.

 

Magnus sears the image into his memory (spotty, tangled as it is) as long and as hard as he can before he follows suit, losing consciousness.

 

\---

  


Magnus wakes up to the smell of apples and cinnamon.

 

He’s alone when he wakes up, tangled in the sheets of Taako’s bed.  Underneath the sweet scents coming from the kitchen of the apartment, the smell of sex clings to everything.  Magnus spends a good minute just staring at the ceiling before taking a deep breath and rolling himself out of the bed.  He looks at the door from the bedroom into the common area and hesitates.  For once, he doesn’t feel so brave.

 

His stomach grumbles.  Time to face the music.

 

When he reaches the kitchen, Taako is throwing dirty saucepans and spoons into a Watery Sphere floating in the sink and Kravitz is sitting at the table, a newspaper in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other.

 

He smiles genially at Magnus as he approaches.  “Good morning,” he says, offering Magnus a mug of his own.

 

Magnus looks at Kravitz with trepidation.  “...Thanks,” he says as he takes the mug.

 

“Oh, shit nuggets!”  Taako is shaking one of his hands out while using the other to cast Levitate on a heavy skillet he’s pulling from the oven.  As he pushes it towards the table, he says, “Careful, babes, that’s one hot mama.”  The spell dissipates and the skillet crashes to the table with a clang.

 

Kravitz smiles beatifically at Taako and begins to cut the apple pancake whatever-it-is.  Magnus accepts the slice with wordless nod.  Taako takes his seat across the table, next to Kravitz.

 

As Magnus eats his first bite, Taako starts to play footsie with him while Kravitz moans his appreciation of the food.  Magnus feels himself relax, a weight lifted off his shoulders.

 

Together, they eat.


End file.
